Scarlett Johansson as a Redhead

Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says “red-carpet glamour” like the Bozo-the-Clown-tinted hair and the gown with a built-in sausage roll that she wore to the UK premiere of “The Prestige” yesterday. Is that a wave cap, or did she make her hair do that on its own? Who thought that the smudged-orange-eyeshadow-Meryl-Streep-I-have-a-sinus-infection eyes was a good look for her? Who the hell votes this water buffalo “Sexiest Woman Alive” anyway? Runner-up for “Miss Bovine Wiscosin,” maybe, but Sexiest Woman Alive? I don’t think so. I expect Esquire to issue a redacted statement stripping her of the title any time now. See More of Scarlett Here!